Revised Experience: 78 Appropriate Ways to Celebrate Elizabeth Taylor's Birthday

It's Eye Candy Weekend. 8 Days until Oscar!

Be great. Be beautiful. Ride a horse. Get married. Get divorced. Act like a total diva. Wear something spectacularly sexy, preferrably white. Make people want more.


Befriend Michael Jackson. Watch Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? again. Watch National Velvet. Watch A Place in the Sun. Be highly quotable. Get married. Flaunt every piece of jewelry you own. Donate to an AIDS charity. Nurse a sick friend. Get divorced. Show everyone your wicked sense of humor. Fall in love with Montgomery Clift in glorious black and white (any of his movies will do). Ask your best friend to refer to you as "Bessie Mae" for the rest of the day. Get married. Scream "I was the slut of all time!" at the top of your lungs. Survive the loss of someone you loved no matter how hard that is to do. Pretend you've won an Oscar. And another. Drink people under the table. Love dogs. Get married. Polish her star at 6336 Hollywood Blvd. Watch Cleopatra... or at least half of it (okay, maybe a third). Get divorced. Read Elizabeth. Watch the original Father of the Bride. Get married. Get divorced. Get remarried. Get redivorced. Buy a pair of violet contact lenses. Let your passions rule you. Paint a beauty mark on your right upper jaw.


Don't take yourself too seriously. Role play "Liz and Dickie" with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Get married. Be fabulous. "Tell mama all". Name a perfume after your favorite thing. Reap abundant loot from doing so. Gain lots of weight. Watch Giant. Watch Suddenly Last Summer. Watch Reflections in a Golden Eye. Steal something from someone who reminds you of Debbie Reynolds. Descend into "erotic vagrancy"! Give them something to talk about when you leave the room. Photoshop yourself onto the cover of 14 People magazines. Invite people over and play "get the guests" or "hump the hostess", your choice. Watch The Flintstones. Watch Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Watch The Taming of the Shrew. Imagine how Sherilyn Fenn might play you in a TV movie. Study Kabbalah.


Be sexy. Seek a voice role on The Simpsons. Work towards making lots of "all time greatest" lists in whatever it is that you do and actually deserve the honor. Make the world a better place. Get divorced. Go to a gay bar with friends. Jump on a plane to Hawaii. Excite the tabloids. Be legendary. Have a tracheotomy. Survive pneumonia. Have a hip replaced. Have a tumor removed. Survive cancer. Throw your back out. Call yourself "Mother Courage" and mean it. Survive everything.
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